Thursday, June 27, 2013

Patience and Timing

I'm not a very patient person, while Sam is extremely patient.  It's almost agonizing for me sometimes when he is so easy-going, while I'm hardly able to sit still.  He's more about letting things come naturally, while if I want something, I go do it myself now- and not always when the timing is best :) Our differences make us stronger together, since we end up balancing each other out! He helps me slow down a bit, while I give him a kick in the pants once in a while!

Sam and I started trying to have kids a long time ago-- while I was still finishing up school.  It was exciting, and I kind of assumed that it would just happen right away.  This was because we had both felt a confirmation that it was the next step for us.  It was the right thing to do.

Months passed with nothing happening.  No worries-- it can take up to a year for a healthy couple to conceive.  When nine months hit, I  couldn't help but think about how I would have had a baby already if it had just happened right away.  At one point I had a cycle that lasted over 90 days (which was over three times longer than it "should" have been), but all urine tests were negative.  Eventually I went to the doctor for a blood test, but a few days later the nurse let me know that it had been negative as well.  What the heck was going on?

One of the hardest aspects of waiting was seeing other people seemingly easily get what I could have had already.  People who had gotten married after we had started trying already had their babies- or were even pregnant with their second!  I felt so guilty for feeling any sort of hurt or jealousy over the fortune of others.  It's not like because they had a baby it was keeping me from having my own.

A year of trying came and went.  I was so confused, because I knew that it was what we were supposed to be doing.  My impatience was getting harder to fight.  My patriarchal blessing makes it clear that I would have children in this life, but now I was wondering if that would need to be many years in the future when we could afford expensive infertility treatment or adoption.  Doubts arose about if I was doing something wrong that was preventing this blessing from coming.  Then I figured it was my fault that it wasn't happening because I was being so impatient, or for other weaknesses I have.  Fortunately, while Sam was also concerned about what might be going on, he was so faithful that things would work out.  He reminded me that the Lord doesn't expect us to be perfect as a precursor for blessings.

People started hinting (not very subtly) that they were "wondering where those babies were" and "what we were waiting for".  Oh, how I wish I had an answer to that myself.  Sometimes I felt like yelling, "you know what, we're doing our best, get off of my back!".  Little did they know how much time I had spent crying, praying, and poring over books and articles.  I don't blame them-- people are just curious-- but I was thinking about "where those babies were" enough myself without being reminded by other people.

I finally got in with my doctor to try to get to the bottom of what was going on.  Long story short, it was because of something physically wrong with me, and he had me start some medication that was likely to help.  If it didn't, we could try more extreme methods.

While in the midst of receiving treatment was when I first started mentioning to people the challenge having a baby was turning out to be.  Mere days later, I finally got that positive pregnancy test!  It felt like how when you're having computer troubles and you complain about it, the second somebody comes to take a look it starts working again.  I swear it wasn't working a minute ago!

Because it took so dang long (in my impatient eyes) to get pregnant in the first place, I've been hyper paranoid about something going wrong.  Every ultrasound makes me anxious, even though there is no real reason to worry at this point.  It still doesn't feel completely real.  I guess I'm just not completely convinced that there's actually going to be a baby around here, come December!  Once it does hit, it will probably be like a ton of (happy) bricks!

While all of this was a struggle, the most important thing that I've been reminded of is that the Lord has a WAY better sense of timing than I do.  I can make all of the plans I want, but He knows what is truly best for my family!  Regardless of what other trials are to come, God knows what will make us the strongest we can be, and the best tools in His hands.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

We're not going to be homeless!

Before I get to the main topic of this post-- I had a prenatal appointment today.  We just did a doppler to check the heart beat, but it was interesting still.  It took a while to find the heartbeat, because the sharkbaby kept swimming around to avoid the microphone, and giving it a few good kicks every time the doctor got close!  We've got a mover.  I might be in for some sore ribs once I can actually feel it happening, haha.

When we went up to Washington in March, we checked out a lot of apartments.  On our first day in Spokane, we found several really nice apartments for pretty good prices.  A manager at one of the complexes recommended that we check out a place in southern Spokane, so we decided to go take a look right before going to see the temple and heading back to Utah.  I put the address, and noticed that it looked pretty close to the temple!  We soon realized that it was literally right across the street!    How lucky is that?

We went in to talk to a manager, and she showed us around the complex.  It. Was. Amazing.  Brand new, great layouts, nice fitness center/tanning/pool, movie theatre, 54 acres of private hiking trails, barbeque and fire pit, and working on building the largest dog park in the northwest...  Plus, right across the street from the temple.

The price at this place was a lot higher than other complexes, but it was also a heck of a lot more awesome than anywhere else we saw.  The manager said that the prices change all the time, and to watch the rates.  The weird thing about housing up there is that you have to wait until like a couple of weeks before moving to actually reserve anywhere.  Very different from Provo!  So now that we're three weeks from moving, and the rates have been pretty low, we've locked in a place!

I'm pretty stoked.  The apartment is even on the ground floor, so I can probably do furniture projects right outside my door, and not have to climb stairs with a baby+dog+groceries+stroller+who knows what else.

Meanwhile, I have about two weeks to finish the many projects that I have started.  There's just so much that I want to do!! Building and painting and sewing is just so much more fun than packing :)  Once everything is in place in the new apartment, I'll post better pictures of the new pad!